Do the Hokey Pokey, and turn yourself around!

OK, so here it is...I am literally 2 hours from running my next 5K...let me paint the picture for you...I have my four children swirling all around me, Mollie whining incessantly since she woke from her nap, Owen running around trying to close windows (because it's raining, and he's trying to do a favor, but I REALLY want the windows open for fresh air, so it's really annoying me), Aidan upstairs doing God know what, he's quiet and that surely means t-r-o-u-b-l-e!, and then there's Maddie, running around the kitchen with her home made "whip" asking Mollie and Owen "who wants a whipper" as she's flailing it in their direction. I am trying to fold that last load of laundry and Maddie is now whining at me to fix the remote because she can't find her show, the oven timer is beeping at me because it's time to flip the chicken patties, because I am trying to have dinner ready for Jim because he was in a class all day and will be just as spent as I am (maybe!), and I'm blasting the music because I think it will calm my nerves and have me focus on something other than the fact that I want to blow this race out of the water (by my own standards!) and it hits me...

I CAN'T WAIT TO GET OUT AND RUN! I need this run in the worst way. This will be my escape from the rat race of a day. This will be the only time in this day when NO ONE will be calling "Mommy" and needing me at this very moment. This will MY time, all I will hear is my favorite music, my inner voice telling me to step it up, to be ERIN. Not the mother, not the servant, not the housekeeper, not the cook, not the referee of 5 yr. old fist fights, just ME! I will step up to that start line tonight and I will be that mother of 4 children who has had a long, busy day of endlessly serving others, but by the time I cross that finish line that mother will have disappeared and in her place will be Erin Keenan, fresh, young, in shape, invincible woman who just did her best, and accomplished an amazing feat! I will be just me, just for a few minutes (hopefully, about 21 or so!) and it will be refreshing. I will be totally exhausted, but I will be refreshed and renewed and be better for everyone. I will hug my kids and my husband and be so glad they're there to share my moment, and I will go home and gladly tuck them all in. I will feel lucky to be able to run, I will feel lucky to have my kids, and I will feel lucky to be home tonight to tuck them in, and that's what it 's all about!

What's in a 5K?

I decided yesterday that I would run a race this coming Saturday. It is a 5K, and I really want to do it, just to compare my results from the same race, last year. It was the very first race I had run since my 'return to running'. This race was not really a big deal, it was a very small race, with about 20 or so runners, but it holds a lot of meaning for me. I started running about 10 months after the birth of my 4th child (which would be February 2008). I started out doing 3 miles. Three, little, slow, long and hard miles. These three miles were both my arch enemy and my best friend for what seemed like months on end. I would run the same three miles a few times per week and it just never seemed to get any easier. My legs always felt just as heavy and tired, my endurance didn't increase at all (or so it had seemed!), and it just felt HARD! I would finish those runs and be tired but feel GREAT! I was proud that I was still making the time for myself to get out there. Let's face it, with 4 young children, it's not always easy to slip out the door. Being the self-competitor that I am, though, I was determined to conquer this ridiculous route!

I slowly but surely added a longer run (5 miles) in on Saturday mornings. This too, was difficult, but it did make the 3 miler seem like a breeze! Anyway, that was about one year ago, when I heard about a race a friend of mine was putting together. The race proceeds were to benefit children, and so, I decided I was in! I would try it. It was only a 5K, it was a trail run (so much fun!), and I wondered... just a little..how I might fare ; )

If memory serves me, I finished in the top 5 runners (never you mind that there were only about 2o !), and I had a time of about 21 minutes. ** We found out after the actual running, that the race was not an exact 5K, it was more like 2.7 miles. I guess my pace would have been about 7:45/mile. I was thrilled with myself after that race! It made me feel like drudging through all those 3 milers had really worked! I was proud!

I want to go back to this race tomorrow and see where I stand. I know that I have come a long way. I know that I have increased my distances and my endurance. I know that tomorrow's time will be better than last year's time. I know I feel better about myself than I did this time last year. I am leaner, healthier, and happier! I guess I don't really need the race, but don't you just want to know what my time will be??? ... I DO!

All the small things...

It's a HOT one out there! I got up for a run this morning and hit the road at about 5:45 AM. The humidity slapped me in the face before I even walked out the door. There was the familiar calm of the early morning but the humidity made it feel like it could have been 2 o'clock in the afternoon. I started off quite slowly, as is the usual, but my legs felt just a bit heavier, my breathing, ,just a bit more labored. I should not forget to mention that I did return to Group Power Saturday morning, but of course, I had to sneak in a quick, not so easy, exceptionally hilly run before the 1 hour of weight lifting I would do. Generally, this would not be such a big deal, but I had taken the previous week off from exercising, and I was sick most of the week, so...let's just say that those first few steps on this Monday morning jog would have been painful no matter what the humidity! OK, so I slowly walk myself to the end of the street, being sure NOT to 'begin workout' on the Nike+, because I know that this will just kill my pace read out at the end. Turn the corner, 'begin workout' and off I go! I am sure that those few early morning passers-by were wondering to themselves, why this woman would even attempt to run when clearly it is so painful for her! Not to worry! I trot through the first couple of miles telling myself that it will get easier... the muscles will loosen up... the breathing will regulate...eventually!

I jog on, with unwavering faith in that 5 0r 6 mile high that I have discovered and really come to appreciate. I run toward that amazingly light and airy feeling my legs will take on. I have, on more than one occasion, set a PR for my fastest mile in the last mile of a 6 or 7 mile run. THIS was not one of those days, but I'm OK with that,(i think)! I was able to play mind games enough to get me through a 7 mile run with a time of 58 minutes (about a 8:25/mile pace), on a morning when a LOT of odds could have been against me. I was tired, my muscles were sore, the humidity was nasty, and I partially doubted whether I could do more than 4 or so. I am bothered by my time, but I am trying to focus on the other victories that I have just mentioned. I'm gonna need to step it up for that 5K race coming up, though! I think I'm gonna hit the track Wednesday and Friday... ; )

Please Don't Stop the Music!

So I am recovering from a week with a ridiculously sore throat and an almost unbearable earache. I felt this coming on Friday or Saturday and by Sunday I had made a pact with myself that I would take the WHOLE week off from any type of working out, and sleep as much as I could, in hopes that my body would reciprocate the thoughtfulness and heal up nice and fast! I am pleased to say, it worked! It's Friday now, but I was feeling quite like myself by Wednesday or so.

My Friend and running partner, Karen, is now on her way to Virginia for a 2 week vacation, just as I am about to stage my big comeback. I am looking ahead to 2 full weeks of forging on with the workouts without her. Part of me is saddened at the loneliness I will surely feel when I am 3/4 of the way through a 7 miler, and my hip aches, and it's pretty humid, and my throat is so dry that I am wishing I could muster up enough saliva to get one little sip, and I look up to see that I am only half way up that mountain of a hill, and all I would have need to get me through that tough moment is Karen, trotting along next to me. Karen, who still, to this day, is amazed that she, too, can call herself a runner. Karen, who claims to not have an athletic bone in her body. Karen, who never imagined, nor wanted to ever run a half marathon, yet went on to Virginia Beach to complete (in great time, I might add!) the Shamrock Half that I talked her into running, WITHOUT ME! Karen, day after day, running alongside me, conquering little tiny battles with herself each time we go out, helps to inspire me, to keep me going, to push a little further, even when thoughts like "hmmm, I could walk right now, just this little bit" creep into my mind. "that wouldn't hurt, right? " WRONG!

So, that's the sad part of me. Then there's the secretly excited part of me. The part of me that can't wait to break out the headphones, create a new playlist on iTunes, and just run my little heart out! You see, I run differently when I'm alone. I can't explain why or how, but I just run fast. I run as fast as I can. I run until I am huffing and puffing with every step. I run to the edge of that place where I know that if I go any faster I will surely puke all over the place, yet if I were to slow down I would surely pass out! I think it may have to do with the fact that I am not concerning myself with anything else but running. No conversation, no friendship, no worrying about whether I should wait or not, no worrying about having to take a walk break, nothing! I race myself. I want to be better and faster and lighter than the last time. I want to get over that hill a little easier this time. I know I can do better. I always do. I know that I can and must push myself to that next level. I have always been that way when it comes to any sort of physical challenge. I will do better, for as long as my body will let me!

So yes, I will miss Karen over the next two weeks. I will miss my faithful friend and companion on those long jogs, but I am going to embrace this time. I am going to feel the beat of the music, and just go with it. I will surrender to the tempo and let it take me to that place. I will get lost in my mind, and in the beat of the "race day" playlist. I will keep up with the beat, lest it beat me!!

"Group Power" or "The Power of Sleep" ?

I am not feeling particularly creative at this moment, but feel the need to write. I am actually exhausted. I worked until 11:00 PM last night and got up at 4:45 this morning to hit the gym as usual. Great, right?! Nope, the problem here is that my body just is not adjusting to working so late and getting up so early. In all honesty, I knew it would be hard, but not THIS hard. I usually do Group Power class on Tuesday and Thursday mornings at 5:30, and I like to get a quick 2 mile run in before, so I like to be out the door by 5 AM. While I know that weight-lifting is great for my overall health, great for my metabolism and fat burning, and great for that "toned" look, Oh and let's not forget how many benefits it has for runners(increased strength, better form, quicker recovery times) ...getting up this early is proving to be contraindicated . I am so tired that my workouts are suffering. My body is not rested enough to give my all. I am so tired I am craving high fat, high sugar foods. I am so tired that, at certain points in the day I can not help myself from thinking about how good it would feel to lie down. I imagine my head hitting the pillow, my eyes closing, JUST FOR A SECOND, and I giggle a bit with joy. This is not like me. I am generally a very energetic, "go get 'em", "git r done" type of gal. The person who, until recently, felt that sleep was a bit over-rated. Don't get me wrong, I've known sleep is important, but felt that "too much" sleep is an honest to goodness waste of time. I guess I still feel that way, though maybe I've learned that different people require different amounts of sleep to function at their best. Right now I am not functioning at my best. Sure, my house is as organized as I can keep it on a daily basis (with 4-8 kids present at any given moment), sure my laundry is caught up (for now!), sure my kids are healthy and happy and well supervised, sure I am working 2 jobs and doing both pretty well, if I might say so, but DAMN IT, my head is in a fog! I am daydreaming about sleep, people! A wise woman once told me..."something's gotta give" , and so I now am faced with the decision..."What do I give up?" The only feasible option at this point is to take a break from the Group Power classes...just temporarily...I think...maybe I will sleep in a bit on Tuesday and Thursday mornings...maybe I won't even miss my friend Karen next to me in the front row, or seeing my mother rush in faithfully last minute, or getting lost in the music to each of the tracks, or sharing winces and grunts and even smiles with other people in the class, or that amazing feeling I get when I increase the weight on the triceps track, or how energized I feel at the end of class (although fleeting these days... ), or that one-of-a kind feeling you get from being part of a group, a secret club, a gathering of women and men who, like you, are dedicated and motivated enough to get up with the sun and make the time to do something good for their bodies. Yea, maybe I won't miss it at all...

In a nutshell...not so much!!

OK! So this is it...my very first attempt at blogging...I've heard so much about blogging, I've read blogs, I've entered posts on other people's blogs, I've wanted to try this for a while, and well, I finally took the leap! Why not? I figure I have a fairly interesting life, what, with a husband who flips houses for a living and 4 young children who make me dizzy on a daily basis, oh yea, and the fact that I am working 2 full time jobs ON TOP of being a mother...I figure this could make for some interesting reading...!!

So let's move on to the "run for your life" part...I officially consider myself a runner...a title I have long desired, but hesitated to assume for several reasons (more on that later) until fairly recently. "I am a runner" ...there, I said it..."I am a runner" and it feels really good to know I just told you all!

There's a long and convoluted history as to how I became who I am today, a mom who both literally and figuratively runs for her life. If you are a mother, I would guess that you have come to the realization that you need "something" that's all your own. A place, a person, a hobby (some are better than others!!) that you can escape to. That "thing" that makes you feel like you again, like a person, like a woman, more than just a mother and wife. That "thing" that you crave, that drives you, that gives you sanity, that releases your worries and tension, that gives you a block of time where you don't think of anything else, where your mind is free to wander and dream, and maybe even RELAX! Yes, I said it...RELAX! For me, running is that "thing", and I love it, I crave it and it honestly feeds my soul and makes my life better. Running is my break from the everyday, it's MY time and I don't ever want it to go away! Sure, I could have taken to some other pastime like scrap booking or golfing (and someday I may add those to my repertoire) but for now, for me, running is IT!

What is it, exactly, that I am escaping from, you may be asking yourself...well, I truly love my life, my husband and my children, and how ridiculously busy I am, but I do need a break! My children are so close together in age (the first three, anyway) that people would constantly ask if they were triplets. Right now they are (Madison) age 6, (Aidan) age 5, (Owen) age 4, and (Mollie )age 2 , and while I think I have adjusted to this craziness I now call life, the rest of the general population seems to have a lot of trouble with the idea. I can't go anywhere without encountering, at the very least, one overly- concerned citizen who feels compelled to ask "Are they all yours?" or "Are they twins/triplets?" oh, and then there's the universal "Wow, you have your hands full" comment that was, and still is thrown out so often that I was sure Maddie's first phrase would be just that! I digress, but I suppose you get the idea, I have my hands full!

Just a bit more background...It was May 2003 when Jim and I welcomed our first bouncing baby girl into this world! I had worked at the bank until about month earlier ,before being told I had to stay home due to slightly high blood pressure (a warning sign for possible pre-eclampsia, which I never did end up with, phew!) 12 weeks later, I went back to work part-time, hesitatingly, since for as long as I can remember, I had dreamt of being a stay at home, raise my own children my way, Mom. Finances being what they were, I had little choice. ...back to the bank I went, taking comfort in the fact that my mother had agreed to watch Maddie for me. Now, fast forward to 101/2 months after Maddie was born, and we welcomed Aidan to the family. 2 weeks after Aidan was born, I received a letter from the bank stating that I was to return to work in a mere 3 weeks...giving me 5 short weeks of maternity leave. You see, since Aidan came along less than one year after Madison, I was not eligible for another maternity leave. Oops! Anyway, I went back, gave them my two weeks notice, put in my time and left for good! I could not bear the thought of leaving my nearly 11 month old and my merely 5 week old children to work at the bank. I just couldn't do it! It was then that I decided my only other choice was to begin caring for other peoples children, so I could be home with my own, and still generate some sort of an income...DAYCARE = full time job #1

As I write all this and read it back, it's amazing how it seems so long ago, yet I can remember it all like it was yesterday. All you Moms out there, you know what I'm talking about...you know you can recall the most obscure details about a certain day 6 years ago. like what you fed your daughter for breakfast the day you had a melt down because you were trying to get ready for work, and she was really needing some extra tlc that morning, and you were already running late, and you were emotional because mothering is still new and wonderful and scary and exciting and overwhelming, and you're sleep deprived,of course, and you try to pick her up and hug her without wrinkling your clothes or burning her with the hair dryer, and you give her a kiss on the head and try to put her down, and like a little koala who is scared to death, she clings to you, as if hanging on for dear life, still, you un-pry her little fingers from your blouse and gently place her on the floor and she cries and you cry, and your make up runs and you hate your husband for already being on his way to work and not being there to help you at that moment and you wonder again why??? you have to go to work...but then you realize that 6 years have passed and that precious baby girl is now about to become a first-grader and she has become so independent that you learn to gobble up every hug and kiss and cuddle you can get because time passes so quickly that it is almost scary...

I can't wait to get to the part where I start running, for real, when I can tell you about how much it has changed my life, and hard and fun it is and how I am attempting to incorporate it into my life, our lives. I have a lot to share...more soon!